I hear all the time in my counseling classes that our own personal experience can help our clients, but I am afraid of letting it affect my clients, colleagues, and other important people in my life. I don't know when my panic attacks will hit; sometimes I can tell my triggers, other times it comes out of nowhere. I feel ashamed when it happens because I have already been through so much personally and with the people I love and care about most.
One thing I have learned through all of this is that it's not what happens to a person, but rather how they react to the situation. I'll admit: there are certainly times where I have not handled my anxiety and depression in the best way, but I'm learning as I go. I'm learning to accept that I can only do what I can do, and I have to be okay with it. Avoiding situations where my triggers are more likely to occur is another way to help myself and those around me.
I think ultimately my fear is that I won't be good enough as a counselor; that I won't be able to connect with my potential clients. I'm not particularly sure as to why I feel this way, but I guess it's from personal experience in other jobs I have had. I always strive for perfection, but perfection isn't possible, or so I'm told. I guess it's just because I set very high standards for myself, and I hold myself accountable.
Who knows what the future will bring...taking it one day at a time is all I can do.
