Late night ponderings

Time and time again I have thought about how to go about writing about a particular topic that is central to my life at this time: dealing with depression and GAD (general anxiety disorder) while in the midst of my second master's degree-in marriage and family therapy. 

I hear all the time in my counseling classes that our own personal experience can help our clients, but I am afraid of letting it affect my clients, colleagues, and other important people in my life. I don't know when my panic attacks will hit; sometimes I can tell my triggers, other times it comes out of nowhere. I feel ashamed when it happens because I have already been through so much personally and with the people I love and care about most. 

One thing I have learned through all of this is that it's not what happens to a person, but rather how they react to the situation. I'll admit: there are certainly times where I have not handled my anxiety and depression in the best way, but I'm learning as I go. I'm learning to accept that I can only do what I can do, and I have to be okay with it. Avoiding situations where my triggers are more likely to occur is another way to help myself and those around me. 

I think ultimately my fear is that I won't be good enough as a counselor; that I won't be able to connect with my potential clients. I'm not particularly sure as to why I feel this way, but I guess it's from personal experience in other jobs I have had. I always strive for perfection, but perfection isn't possible, or so I'm told. I guess it's just because I set very high standards for myself, and I hold myself accountable. 

Who knows what the future will bring...taking it one day at a time is all I can do. 

 

Welcome spring..wait...SNOW?!

Spring time in Oregon is always an interesting season. While I don't wear "girly" clothes-i.e. dresses, skirts, etc., a lot, I am getting tired of pulling on a pair of jeans, cords, or long pants because it's still 31 degrees when I wake up. Don't get me wrong, I love my winter attire, as it is basically all from Columbia-thank you wonderful husband Brady and friend Becca!!

However, any time I go into a store, what's advertised? Spring clothes-shorts, flip flops, tanks, swim suits, and the list can go on. I know for one thing, my dogs sure are ready for a change in the season. Jack, our black lab mix could really care less-except when it's bath day- but Barkley...he's a bit more tempermental when it comes to the liquid stuff outside.

I think it is so weird that we're having winter in March while the rest of the country is experiencing summer like conditions--86 in Minnesota?! I love cuddling up on the couch with my husband and puppies, but I know I'm ready to rock a pedicure and sandals....I'm ready when you are Mother Nature!

Spring time and motivation

The sun is shining, the birds are singing (at least outside my office window), trees and flowers are blooming-as my nose and eyes are reminding me....and yet, I'm still wearing winter clothes! It was a balmy 26 degrees out this morning with frost and ice everywhere!

Spring, I realize it's a bit early, and our winter hasn't really been, but COME ON already!! I walk into target and my poor retinas go on overload because apparently, neon is IN for spring. Granted, I didn't really think neon was in the last time it was, but what do I know?! My puppies, and my husband for that matter, would really appreciate a little bit warmer weather. But hey, I can be patient...for now ;-)

Oh, and motivation...maybe you'll come back when the sun stays too. I do have one paper done, but I have no idea how to start the next one...

Starting up again...

Well, here I go again. I tried this blogging thing in college, but I really want to make it more of a habit now that I'm entering a new profession. I've always found writing to be cathartic and therapeutic for me, so I'm trying to make this more of a habit. Enjoying some time off today with my puppies and hoping the weather improves a bit so I can take them out for a walk :)